Every family, household and individual will experience a move differently. While a move can be a sign of success for parents—getting the house you want, living in your dream neighbourhood—children may feel powerless if they have not been involved in the process.
“Some people love changes at any time, under any circumstances, some only enjoy change when they’ve initiated it. Others simply don’t like change at all,” says Calgary psychologist Connie Leclair.
So, how can you support your children during the moving process?
1. Communication
Listening and understanding how your children feel about the move will make the transition smoother for everyone. Often, children’s emotional or behavioural reactions aren’t about the house itself but about losing their sense of home and safety—about no longer understanding how things work in a particular environment.
Leclair suggests introducing the idea of a move to children as early as possible. Engaging in age-appropriate, casual conversations about what’s happening, why it’s happening, and when can be an effective starting point.
By inviting kids to share how they perceive the move, parents can acknowledge both their fears and their excitement.
“If logistically possible, take your children to see the new home, visit their new school, walk around the neighbourhood, or go for a bus or transit ride. Showing them around their new community can help reduce anxiety.”
Leclair adds that people react to the unknown by displaying anxiety. Moving can be an excellent opportunity to teach children how to deal with uncertainty in a healthy way.
2. Give children an appropriate level of agency
Allowing children some degree of control can make the move easier. Children are not the ones making the decisions; parents are.
However, children do gain from having a sense that they can influence certain aspects of their environment. By including them in the process and providing a developmentally suitable level of control, parents can gain their cooperation during the move.
For example, you could let them decide whether to pack their clothes first or their toys and sports gear. If a refresh is planned, allow them to choose the colour to paint their new room. The decision they make should be suitable for their age and skills.
Leclair adds, “Packing perfection isn’t the goal, making a stressful transition easier is.”
3. Pay attention to changes
Children, like adults, have their own ways of reacting to the grief that comes from leaving something behind or losing something we had.
Some do so behaviourally, some emotionally, and others cognitively. Leclair recommends paying close attention to detect any changes in children’s actions, moods, or words, and to understand their meaning.
For example, teenagers might start avoiding their current home or develop hoarding tendencies — to let go of something as significant as a house, they need to hold on to smaller things to feel some control over their lives.
Small children may have nightmares, be “grumpy” or pick fights with friends, cling to parents, or talk nonstop. If these are new behaviours, they warrant your attention and intervention.
4. Re-establish routines, rules and rituals
A move disrupts our lifestyle in both positive and negative ways. It is important that everyone participates in re-establishing current routines, rules, and rituals or cooperates to establish new ones.
For example, if two siblings shared a bedroom in their previous home, they might need to find new ways to bond if they each have their own in the new house. Chores may need to be redistributed if the new house has a yard, whereas the old one did not. Life may not “just adjust” on its own; it may require intentional action.
5. Don’t take things personally
Even if you’re excited about the move, not everyone will be. That’s why Leclair advises parents not to become defensive if their children don’t appear as enthusiastic as they’d like.
Whether it’s about a move, a vacation, or what’s being served for dinner, parents make decisions that may or may not meet with their children’s enthusiastic delight.
Avoid internalizing the child’s response as a rejection of you or a questioning of the validity of your choice. Be curious about what drives the child’s perspective and address it appropriately.
When to seek help
According to Leclair, if parents notice disruptive changes in their children’s behavioural, emotional, or cognitive presentation and they are unable to understand and effect positive change without coercion, seeking support from a psychologist may be appropriate.
Connie Leclair is a registered psychologist based in Calgary. She offers services in English and French. Learn more at: https://connieleclairpsych.com/
